Bleh!

That is how I am feeling today, just bleh. We had supper with Sean's step-brothers, something that I really looked forward to in the past, and it was just bleh. The food was good and everything but I just felt apart from it all. I have a counselling session in the morning. Sean said that if I didnt already have an appointment he would be insisting that I saw someone.

It's Friday

I have decided that as boring as my life is I am going to try and post every day. Today Sean had an interview for Voxcom doing tech support. He most likely got the job, it just had to be cleared by someone in Montreal. He will find out monday.

I heard from work today and I am on an unpaid medical leave. It will go through the insurance company to help work understand that I am dealing with a medical condition and work to get me back working. Not being paid will make things tight but with Sean working we will survive. We were bad today and went to Montana's for lunch, that place is expensive but the food is soooo good.

I am sleeping horribly at night so I am trying to take my new med at night and see if there is a difference. I had a nap this afternoon which was really nice, I needed it! I had a pretty ok day.

I saw my doctor this morning, he is happy that I am going through the U of A program. He thinks that it will really help me. I hope so. I have another appointment at the U of A on monday.

Tired of pretending

I am tired of pretending that everything is ok. Things are not ok, I am severely depressed, I am unable to work, getting out of bed in the morning is an accomplishment. I am trying to get help and this time around I will take all the time and help that I need. I can't continue to live life this way. It isnt fair to Sean or Robbie and most importantly it is not fair to me.

Having a bad day

Today has been a rough day. I didnt sleep well last night and so I slept through church. I wasn't at church last week because Robbie was sick, that makes me missing church two weeks in a row! Yuck!

The healthcare nurse came and did a followup on how I was doing. She thought that I was making small positive improvements. I have been feeling better for the most part. I am still really tired most of the time. Work is going ok, my brain isnt always with it but I am getting through the days.

Sean quit working at Best Buy, it was either quit or drop down to part-time. Part-time wouldnt pay the bills so Sean quit. He has two interviews already this week. The one tomorrow is downtown so we are going to meet for lunch. We are trying to avoid eating out but one lunch won't break the bank, especially at the food court.

I dont know if it is the financial stuff that it upsetting me or if it is something else but I am down today.

The light therapy is helping somewhat, at least I think it is starting to make a difference. I am not expecting miracles after one week. I need to recharge the batteries so I will be ready to go for tomorrow.

I am ready to drop off to sleep so even though it is only 7:30pm I am going to go to bed. G'nite!

Light Therapy

I started on light therapy today. I was back at the hospital feeling suicidal. I hated being there. At first I was kept in emerg as there wasnt a bed for me. I spent about 20 hours in emerg with my every move being watched, I at least got to shut the door when going to the bathroom. Finally I was moved to a locked ward, there things were a little better. Friday morning I saw the psychiatrist and asked to go home. After talking for a bit, he agreed to let me go home. I was really missing Robbie and Sean. The doctor suggested that I might have SAD (seasonal affective disorder) along with the underlying depression. He did suggest that once I have a medical plan (starting in December) that I change meds (but I guess that will be up to whatever psychiatrist I am seeing. He also suggested that I needed light therapy, I figure anything that might help is good to try. The light is VERY bright! I have it on for 15 minutes/time. It should only take a few days to notice a difference.