Grumpy

That is my name and my mood. I have been really depressed since Christmas and I am not sure why. Maybe it is because my expectations of the holidays are never realized. I am always disappointed with the day and from there the depression has just continued.

Mother guilt: On my Canadian adoption website http://www.canadaadopts.com one of the moms was talking about how she isnt the mother she thought she would be. I totally get how she is feeling. I am not the mother I expected to be and in some ways I am the mother that I said I never would be. I can be very selfish with my time, especially right now while I am depressed. I am lucky that Sean is so patient with Robbie, at least he gets it from one parent. As much as I try not to, I sometimes yell at Robbie; the only memories I have of Doreen (my biological mother) is of her yelling (and hitting) at me. I dont want Robbie to have those kind of memories. Changing my parenting skills is part of what I hope to get out of the day program.

Day Program: Starts next month! I am not sure what day I start, just sometime in February. On wednesdays I will be going to the "waiting list" group sessions. I think it will help to get me used to group therapy. I am nervous about the group aspect of things but I want to get help and this program is supposed to be amazing.

Weekly goal: I made a goal this week to use the Wii Fit 3 times. I didnt do so good on my last goal - I only ate breakfast once instead of three times.