Week Seven

Not much to blog about. Not much happened that I remember. I didnt even journal anything.

Otherwise lots is happening in my life. Tomorrow it is Sean and my 7th wedding anniversary. Time goes by fast.

I found out on the weekend that Sean is reading anti literature on the web and has been doing so for five years. I feel so heartbroken. I have cried off and on all day today. Not a good day at all. We are going out for dinner and I just want to go to bed and cry some more. Sean doesnt want Robbie to go to church any more. I dont know what to say or do. I just feel sick.

Joyce should be here soon to watch the boy.

Week Six

I am one-third of the way through my program. I feel that I have done some work but there is lots more to do. I had an ok week, getting used to the new classes of phase 2. I didnt attend on tuesday, I had a sick little man. Robbie is doing better, still has a runny nose. Sean has a cold as well. So far I have stayed away from being sick.

Robbie has discovered the word "why", I wonder what took him so long. He is driving me insane with his questions. The ones that bother me the most is when he asks me something and then checks with Sean if I am right.

I have been feeling very down lately. I know it is because the new meds havent had time to kick in and help me yet. Today I have done nothing but feel exhausted. Sean is driving me up the wall with asking me if I am feeling ok. I told him that he doesnt like it when I do that to him so not to do it to me, hasnt helped, he just asked again if I am ok.

I am going back to bed.

Week Five

Time marches on during treatment. We had friday off for Good Friday and it seemed weird not going in. Tomorrow Robbie's daycare is closed so Sean is taking the day off so I dont miss a day.

Sister C, at church, keeps asking me if I am enjoying the program. Therapy is not something that can be enjoyed. It is a lot of hard work that is emotionally and mentally draining. I come home and am exhausted, even on days when I do not share much.

This past wednesday was my patient evaluation. I told everyone why I am in therapy and they gave me suggestions to work on. The one area that I disagreed with is my marriage. Things with Sean are going great, we talk about the things we need to and dont tend to leave things to fester. We rarely argue let alone fight. No, I am not denying any issues. The one thing that works in my life is my marriage. It was also suggested that I work with my issues of loss (already started that one) and my issues surrounding parenting of Robbie. I was also told to speak up more in Large group and to show my emotions more. I would show my emotions if I could, the old medication is still lingering and I am still having issues with crying - I want to cry but I cant.

I tired calling Grace but there was no answer. I feel very alone on the holidays, yes I have my own little family but I miss the large family get togethers. Maybe that is something to talk about tomorrow....

Well Extreme Makeover, Home Edition is almost finished taping and it is a two-hour episode tonight. Must go for now.

Happy Easter!

Week Four

Is now over. Time is flying by, before I know it I will be in week 18. I had to be put on a new antidepressant. It was just too soon to be off on the meds. I am happy to be on one that has less side-effects however this one makes me drowsy, it is especially hard to get up in the morning. I need to work on getting out of bed even harder. Hopefully it makes my mood better.

Grace called and mom is adjusting well. Grace also said that it is a really nice place. I am glad to hear that as I am sure that mom's situation has been bothering me.

We took Robbie to a petting zoo today. He enjoyed it for a bit and then started to become afraid of the animals. It was a good outing for the day. We then went grocery shopping before coming home. Not too busy of a day.

I took the turkey out to have for tomorrow's supper.