I am now half way through therapy. In some ways it seems like I should be further along and in others it seems like time has flown by. Therapy is going well, I am really getting into talking about my mom and how I feel about the Alzheimer's.
Mother's Day was really hard for me. I hated not being able to contact my mom and talk with her. I know that she wouldn't make sense anyways but I am really missing my mom. I remember the countless hours that we talked on the phone since I moved to Edmonton and I really miss that. I was always able to tell mom what was happening in my life and rarely did I get judged by her. I miss the closeness that we were able to forge over the long distance lines. I do believe that it is best that me and my family are in Edmonton, it does not change the fact that I feel very guilty about not living closer to my mom.
Today (ok, I know that today is week 10...) I talked about how hard Mother's Day was on me and how I missed my mom. I said that in some ways I wish mom was already dead, it is so hard to hear the reports of how mom is doing (or not doing). I think I am starting to grieve the loss of my mother.... How do you grieve for someone who is still alive?
Monday, May 11, 2009
Week Nine/Mother's Day
Posted by Margaret at 6:51 PM
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2 comments:
you are going through one of my biggest fears - i can't imagine not having my mom be my mom ...
and how do you grieve? well, the mother you knew is gone - that is a loss to be grieved. give yourself permission to do so and it will move along as it should. keep talking about it, and her, and do what you can to remember the good times (journal, post a blog about good memories, etc) ...
hope this week is a good one!
Living far away from parents is not easy (unless you don't get along with them and then it's heaven) but I love my parents so I hate living so far from home. I have to remind myself of the blessings that I do have and the things to be grateful for to help me overcome the homesickness.
There is wisdom in the previous comment... your mom isn't as you knew her and you are grieving that loss. I really admire you for keeping with the program. There are always going to be things that we struggle with in life and it sounds like the program is giving you tools to help you in your life not just with what you are going through now but with the past and the future.
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