Being Lonely

I have been horrible at posting...that is true in much of my life right now, horrible at many things....

Right now I am not being very good at taking my meds and so my depression is kicking my butt.  I know better and I used to be so good about meds but now, not so much.  Of course as the depression spirals down it gets worse, not taking meds make things worse, eating gets worse...

Right now I am back to isolating myself.  I really don't have any real friends that live near me.  Most of my friends are on-line and I question if they would be there if we lived closer...

I feel alone even at home.  Part of that is my fault due to going into our bedroom and reading, shutting Sean and Robbie both out.  But have you ever felt alone when you are sharing your bed with your spouse?  We cuddle in bed sometimes but not often...  I remember 11 years ago when we could sleep in a twin size bed and have room for a third person, now it seems like a queen bed in still not big enough.

I hate feeling like this :(  I just want to feel normal again.  I want friends who I can count on and that don't always use me.  I want to be wanted by Sean.  I want to be needed by Robbie.  I want to be loved....