Rough Going

I am having a really rough time. I know that one of my goals for the year is to sop obsessing about another baby. I am failing miserably! I am somewhere around day 38 with no period in sight. I have done so many preg tests (I really hate to think how much money I have spent), all are negative. This is just so hard. Once my period finally comes I am going back on the pill forever. I talked to Sean about clomid - he said "no way". I had always said that I wouldn't use fertility drugs the second time around, guess we are sticking with that plan.

I found out some news that is bothering me. I friended an ex on facebook. In so many ways I did't want to know about his life but the earthquake in Haiti really brought him to mind. J is Haitian. Anyways, he has a 16 year old daughter, that means he was a daddy when we were dating! He never told me. The relationship was long-distance so it was easy for him to hide things. I remember him buying presents for his baby "niece".... I am now thinking the presents were for his daughter. I am really bothered by this, I would have still dated him knowing he had a child but not to know... And a little TMI but I went against my values because of this man. It just brings me back to how I felt when we broke up and I had to see my Bishop. Ugh! I am going to de-friend him. I never should have looked him up in the first place.

I hate remembering the mistakes I have made in my life...