Monday, December 20, 2010

Surgery Update

Since it has been almost two weeks since the surgery I think it is time to update.

From the moment I came home I felt better then I thought I would.  I was sore but not in pain.  It was a great feeling!  By the saturday I was out of the house.  I didn't do much, sat around while Sean grocery shopped.  I was out driving myself about 4 days post-op.  Within a week I was off pain meds!  What a nice feeling.

As of today I am feeling good.  I tire easily at times but I am trying to pace myself better.

I will be going back to work January 3rd, unless the insurance company fights me on it.

Saturday, December 4, 2010


As I have posted (way too many times) I have been in pain for what seems forever.  I had surgery booked for February 9th.  On thursday I received a call from my surgeon's office, would I like to have my surgery on December 8th?   I was saying "yes" before the nurse could finish :D

Unfortunately that is Robbie's Christmas concert but I will try and see the morning session and Sean will video the evening one for me.

I am excited to have the surgery done but I am nervous as well.  I have not slept well the last few nights as I contemplate what can happen.  The most important thing is to verify what is wrong, probably endometriosis, and get it fixed.  I keep wondering though what if the doctor was to find nothing?  Crazy I know but I still think it.

The surgeon that will be doing the laprascopy thinks I can get pregnant right away.  Sean and I talked about it and we will try for another baby until Robbie's birthday.  If I am not pregnant then we will give up on having another baby and will go ahead with adoption.

3 more sleeps until the surgery, good thing I am done Christmas shopping!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Kindergarten Update

This post is a long time in coming but here it is.

Robbie started his new school on the Thursday (September 16th), the night before was Meet the Teacher night which we went to.  Robbie met his new teacher and the Educational Assistant for his class.  Both women were friendly and inviting to Robbie.  Even earlier on the 15th when I had talked to the Principal I had a good feeling about the school.  Robbie is happy and doing well.  He enjoys school and is the only student in his class reading on his own!

We received a phone call from the Principal of the old school after she read the email sent to the School Board Trustee (who forwarded the email to the Superintendent).  The Principal had no idea that there had been no communication between us and the teacher.  She was very upset about this and had a meeting with both the VP and the teacher involved.  She also had a meeting with all the staff letting them know that this is not to happen again!  She apologized that Robbie had such a bad start to school.  Sean feels a little guilty thinking that if we had asked to speak to the Principal about everything that Robbie could have stayed in the program.  I think that it is good that we pulled him when we did.  It would have been a hostile environment and I would not want that for Robbie.

Robbie loves his class and knows lots of the kids.  I am on the Parents Activity Committee as Vice-Chair and part of the Parents' Society as Vice-Chair.  The school is 2 blocks away and we are happy how things turned out.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Going Pink for October

October is Breast Cancer awareness month so I am going pink.

I found a lump when I was 29, I was so scared, it all turned out ok.  It was a cyst.  Ever since then I have been more aware of Breast Cancer and programs for raising awareness.

Go Pink!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I Feel Like a Failure

Robbie was in a specialized Kindergarten class.  Every morning he was excited to go to school.  Every afternoon he would tell us all the things he liked about school.  Apparently he was crying in class due to frustration, he was not getting his work done on time and would have times that sitting still was hard.  Sounds like a normal Kindergarten kid to me.  We were never told any of this.  Homework that came home came back with "good job" stamps.  It did say that he needed to slow down and concentrate with his work.  I had also let the school know that we were dealing with a death in the family and that Robbie was reacting to that.

Robbie is reading at a grade 2-3 level, he understands science concepts at a grade 4-5 level yet he has been kicked out of Kindergarten!!!!!

We were called into the Vice-Principal's office tonight having no idea what was going on.  After she gave her spiel that it was Robbie's best interest they were looking out for (which I don't believe).  She took us to Robbie's classroom so he could show Daddy.  While we were in there his teacher came to the door, saw us and walked away without even saying "hello".  I think that is what made me the most angry.  I found that so RUDE!

Because it is an alternative program we have no action to take.  The school makes the rules of who to take and who to keep.  This is so wrong.

It was so hard explaining to Robbie that he would be going to a different school.  We are trying to keep our disappointment out of it so that Robbie does not think he did something wrong.

I have been crying my eyes out for the last hour.  I have failed my baby!

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Rest in Peace Nanny

My Nanny died last Saturday, she was my last living grandparent. I only met my Nanny when I was 26? Weird? Yes, but you see this is my biological grandma. Since I was adopted in the '70s there was not such thing as "Open Adoption" because of this I have no memories of my Nanny from before. My middle name is Edith after my Nanny (Margaret comes from my other birth-grandmother).

What I do remember about Nanny is that she was loving and supportive. Nanny would give someone the "shirt off her back" if she thought that they needed it. The one thing that I loved about meeting Nanny was learning some of my South African heritage. My great-grandma was from Cape Colony (now Cape Town). I was also able to see the house where my birth-mother grew up in, I actually slept in her old bedroom one night. Nanny also gave me some things that she made and some doilies that my great-grandmother made. I treasure these things.

On a trip for a Family Reunion I took Sean and Robbie to meet my grandma. I am so glad that she was able to meet my son and husband. She told me that she was glad that I was happy.

Nanny, I will miss you!

Edith Florence "Flo" CORY

April 16, 1923 - September 4, 2010


(Member of Pine Ridge Bible Chapel)
Passed peacefully on Saturday September 4, 2010 at Lakeridge Health Oshawa. Florence in her 88th year. Dear wife of the late Roy Thomas Cory. Loving mother of Doreen Benford (the late Ken), the late Donna Norris (Mike), Delia Aldsworth (Stan), Cindy MacDonald (Tim), Donald Cory (Evelyn), Gordon Cory (Beverly), Marion Glazier (Ralph) and predeceased by June Lightizer. Beloved grandmother of 20, great-grandmother of 30, and great-great-grandmother of 1. Survived by sisters Connie, Sandra, Bev and brothers Harry and Bob. Relatives and friends may call at MCINTOSH-ANDERSON FUNERAL HOME LTD., 152 King Street East, Oshawa (905-433-5558) on Thursday from 2:00 to 4:00 pm and 7:00 to 9:00 pm. A service will be held in the chapel on Friday, September 10, 2010 at 1:00 pm. Interment Groveside Cemetery. Donations in memory of Florence made to the Pine Ridge Bible Chapel or the Heart and Stroke Foundation would be appreciated by her family.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Because I Have Been Given Much

This is the post that I have been thinking about for weeks.

The title comes from one of my favourite hymns. I will post the words of the song at the bottom.

I have so many health issue
I live in a time and place of many health advances to help me become healthier.

I had a rough start to life, living in an abusive environment
I was taken from that situation and raised by parents who loved me, I was given siblings that I love and who have taught me so much.

I suffer from infertility
I have a sweet little boy that starts Kindergarten in two weeks. Robbie is a sweet part of our family who brings much love and joy to our home.

I am on sick leave from work
I am still able to support our family with short-term disability insurance. While we don't have as much money as we want, we have enough for our needs.

I thought that I would never find love
I have a loving husband who is very support of me and loves me unconditionally (even if we have our moments at time).

I am pretty much an orphan
I had parents that loved me, and while my mom might not totally remember me I have had my parents for almost 40 years.

At times I feel old
I have lived longer then some of my friends and loved ones.

I have had many jobs
I have rarely been unemployed in my adult life allowing me to be self-sufficient, I now have a job I love and I have been put on a hiring list for a job with the government.

I am in constant pain
I have medication that helps and doctors who are working to getting me better.

There are many blessings that I have that I need to remember at times, this seems to be a time to remember what I have.


Because I have been given much, I too must give.
Because of thy great bounty, Lord each day I live.
I shall divide my gifts from thee with every brother that I see,
who has the need of help from me.

Because I have been sheltered, fed by thy good care…
I cannot see another’s lack and I not share
-my glowing fire, my loaf of bread-my roof’s safe shelter over head,
that he too may be comforted.

Because I have been blessed by thy great love dear Lord,
I’ll share thy love again according to thy word.
I shall give love to those in need. I’ll show that love by word and deed,
thus shall my thanks be thanks indeed.

Friday, August 13, 2010


On Tuesday Sean and I are going to an adoption information session. I was under the impression that there was a waiting list for the adoption classes and such and have since found out in Edmonton there is no waiting list. We will still attend the session and take our time with the paperwork and such. Of course we are not doing anything until I have surgery and know what is going on with my body.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Upset (pretty much a vent)

I have a post that I have been thinking about posting for a few weeks... this is not it.

As I had blogged before I have had pelvic pain since January 28th. I finally have a gyno that is going to do something about it. I was supposed to see him last tuesday, instead I woke up with what felt like a heart attack. Sean wasn't happy about it (knowing I would miss my appointment) but as I could barely breathe and movement wasn't really an option he called 911. I had a few scares at the hospital, when 5mg of morphine doesn't help the pain you need to worry. Blood work came back positive for blood clots, the doctor did say the test was very sensitive and he still thought that it was a torn muscle in my chest he couldn't risk my life. I has a CAT scan of my lungs. It was all clear. A torn muscle in my chest is doable, a blood clot in my lung, not so much.

On the tuesday I had also missed an appointment with my family doctor. I also had forms for him for work accommodation. Work was trying to find ways to help me deal with the pain, well my doctor had other ideas. The pain meds which I have been on are very strong, they are not working all the time because I am doing too much. It is hard not to do too much because I never know what will set of an attack. Anyways, he pretty much put me on bed rest, very little walking, no lifting. It pretty much sucks. Good thing I like reading.

Now comes why I am upset. On tuesday afternoons Sean takes Robbie to a program and drops him off for 90 minutes. Not far from the program is the mall where we used to work at Convergys. There is a donair place there that we both like so I suggested we eat a late lunch there. And that is what I did. Sean got mad at me for having a donair when he wasn't (he apparently ate lunch with Robbie), he was also mad at me for talking away his "alone time". Oh course he did not tell me this for a long time and then only because I emailed him saying how upset I was and I blamed myself for his bad mood when he wouldn't talk to me.

This has gotten me pretty upset. We have little time together which is just going to get worse in a few weeks when he is back at school. I thought I was doing a nice thing driving the two of them to the program. As we had talked about this several days ago he could have said at any time he didn't want me to take them. I have spent time today crying. When Sean tries to kiss my cheek I really try not to turn away (but I do). I really do not want to crawl in bed beside him tonight. If I could sleep on the couch and not be in pain I would. I am crying once again.

I am so frustrated. I hate taking the pain meds all the time and worse I hate what this is doing to my family.

Saturday, June 26, 2010


Five years in pictures.....

On Sunday, June 26, 2005 at 12:25 am a little man was born. We named him Robert John Henderson and he has been a joy to have in our lives.

First time mommy gets to hold Robbie in the NICU. Robbie is about 8 hours old.

First Birthday Party! This is actually the day before Robbie's first birthday but I love the picture. His birthday party was a family barbeque. Lots of fun was had.

Second Birthday was actually spent on the road. We left on the day of his birthday to move to Ontario to be closer to my family.

Third Birthday. A few days before the actual day, so far the only birthday celebrated with my family.

Fourth Birthday. Our little man is getting so big. He is learning so much.

Fifth Birthday. Robbie was spoiled with 3 parties (one with Nana Henderson, one with friends and one with family). Robbie enjoyed his special day. He is growing so big and so smart.

Robbie is a sweet, loving boy. We love him so much and are thankful for the blessing he is in our lives. Happy Birthday sweet boy!

Monday, May 10, 2010


I admit it! I am jealous!

My niece is pregnant with twins. She is a single mother of a 4.5 year old boy. I know she has been heavily drinking while being pregnant. She is not with the father. I suspect she got pregnant on purpose trying to get the father to stay with her. It has been an up/down relationship almost from the beginning.

Why does she get to be pregnant when I am married, have a good job and am able to support another child, and cant get pregnant. It is so not fair! Sean always tells me life is not fair but this really sucks! Infertility is the worst thing to deal with.

Yes, I know I can adopt. Yes, I know that I am lucky to have Robbie. None of that changes that fact that I want another baby. There is no way we can afford private adoption and so the only way to go is public. I am not scared of public adoption, heck I came through the system. What I dont like is not having the possibility of a newborn.

I really hate my life right now. Sean has held me while I have cried about wanting another baby. He has apologized for making me wait to have a baby. There is nothing that would support that if I had Robbie earlier that I could have had another baby. The problems I am having now may just have started earlier.

I HATE feeling like this. A friend just had twins, maybe I should ask her if she wants someone to hold one for a bit.

Sorry this post is so down. This has been on my mind for a few days.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

This and That

Lots of different things going on in our home.

I am back at work. This week I am part-time and then next week I go back full-time. I am doing ok pain-wise. Once again the diagnosis was wrong I DO NOT have a bladder infection. My doctor thinks I may have a disease called Interstitial Cystitis. I see the Urologist on June 9th.

Robbie goes for his school immunizations on June 9th. I go for my tetanus booster then too. It is getting so close to Robbie starting school! May 3rd is the date of the lottery for the program that we want Robbie to get into. I really don't like that it is a random lottery. We have no doubt that he will pass the testing, he is way above the minimum requirements. Robbie is reading, doing math (including easy multiplication!), his vocabulary is huge. We have a smart cookie.

Sean will be staying home with Robbie for the summer. We figured that Sean's income wouldn't help a lot in the long run but his spending 4 months with Robbie is such a huge thing for Robbie.

Things are going pretty well in my life. The depression seems to be controlled. I am still struggling with a few things. Sean is back and forth with Robbie and church. The latest is Robbie going to church, but I know once I start taking Robbie to church Sean will be upset again. I really need to pray about it, not that I have been praying lately, I need to do better.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Easter Memories

The earliest Easter memory that I have occurred before my adoption. I was "back home" (aka living with my birth mother). Children's Aid had given all 4 of us Easter baskets (I have no idea how I knew it was Children's Aid, I would have been 3). I dragged my basket EVERYWHERE! When I talked to my birth sisters about this memory they said I probably dragged the basket everywhere so they (my sisters) wouldn't eat my candy.

My next Easter memory was not so pleasant. I was 7. My sister Grace had made me a treasure hunt with clues to find my Easter presents (Grace has ALWAYS spoiled me). After finding everything I went to show my mom what the Easter Bunny had brought me. It was then my mom told me that my parents were getting a divorce. Thanks for ruining Easter mom! The other kids would come into the room to find out why I was crying. My parents told the 7 year old first!

The next Easter that I have memories of I was about 21. My dad decided that for Good Friday everyone was going to the zoo. What a big crowd that was! It was crazy, all the kids, babies. etc. The funniest part is when we got to the Lion enclosure. The Lion's were mating, my nieces and nephews all asked what was happening. They were told to "ask grampa". My dad was quite embarrassed. The idea of going to the zoo every Good Friday just did not catch on.

This Easter was cute. Robbie is very into any holiday, Easter was no exception. Robbie wanted to know where the Easter Bunny lived. I asked him where he thought the Easter Bunny lived. Robbie decided that the Easter Bunny lived on a planet called "Leapon" and it took 5 days by a special chocolate rocket ship to get to Earth. Pretty smart little guy! What was also funny is we decided to put coins in Robbie's eggs. I went to Sean to get some change. All he had was nine cents. Luckily Sean's friends were over and they gave Robbie some more money.

Waiting to see what the Easter Bunny brought:

The Loot:


"I am shooting my mom if she shows this when I am a teenager"


Thursday, March 25, 2010

My Sweet Boy

Robbie is learning to be careful with mommy's tummy as it is sore. He is 4.5 though and like most kids his age loves crawling on mommy and daddy for hugs. Robbie has heard to many "ouchs, ughs and such" lately. He is always sorry when he hurts mommy and I know that it is an accident.

Last night I had a really rough night. I woke up in pain and had to take extra meds. This morning when Sean and Robbie were ready to leave for the day they came in and gave me kisses. I was pretty out of it so I am not sure if I said something about pain or if Robbie bumped my tummy. All that I do know is that Robbie left his turtle to comfort mommy.

Robbie's stuffed turtle was a first birthday gift from Clarke and Cecelia Dyer. Actually the turtle he has now is a replacement of the original that got lost on our move back to Edmonton. Anyways, Turtle (that is his name) is Robbie's baby/brother/best friend. Turtle is who Robbie turns to when hugs and kisses from mommy and daddy are not enough to ease the pain. Turtle sleeps with Robbie every night (along with his blanky). Turtle is Robbie's best friend.

When I woke up hours later I did not remember about Turtle being in bed with me. I rolled over and something was under me. I jumped. When I saw that Turtle was lying there on our bed I remembered my sweet little son wanting mommy to feel better. What a sweet boy giving his mommy something that makes him feel better.

I love Robbie so much.

Turtle and Robbie

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Sick Leave

I have been dealing with chronic pelvic pain since January 28th. It is not fun. The pain is at an all-time high being worse then the gall stones which up to now has been the hardest pain to deal with. I have made 5 (yes five) trips to the ER, one was more for bleeding although the pain was bad as well.

Until recently I had not had a period since December 12th. Not fun! I finally started back on birth control pills on February 7th to force the issue. At that point I had a bunch of blood pregnancy tests all come back negative. I also had an ultra sound come back negative for any cysts (which is what we thought was the problem).

Included in the 5 trips to the hospital were two rides in ambulances, really not a fun experience.

On monday I FINALLY saw my OB/GYN. I have a diagnosis. I have a very severe bladder infection complicated by my diabetes. Dr Chua said that the pain would feel like labour (I think it is worse then labour) and I will be on antibiotics for at least a month but possibly 3-4 months to get rid of this. Apparently it is common in diabetics after giving birth AND under-diagnosed.

I see Dr Fontyne (family doc) to keep him posted on what is happening. I really hope this is the answer because I am tired of feeling this way. I want to go back to work. I LIKE my job and miss being there.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

I Believe

I love this song.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Valentine's Day

When I was single I HATED Valentine's day. I always felt so alone and like everyone else was part of a couple. And then I met Sean. When Sean and I met I had no intention of getting involved with him. I had just broken up with someone who I thought I would marry and was scared to go out with anyone. A friend talked me into asking Sean out for a Valentine's dance that was taking place on February 16th.

I finally gave in and asked Sean out. He surprised me by showing up to work to take me out to dinner on Valentine's day. He brought me Laura Secord chocolates (yum). We spent the night talking and cuddling, sharing kisses. I felt like I was quickly falling in love and I was scared. That was 9 years ago.

This year, Sean again bought me Laura Secord chocolates (they are so yummy). The past nine years have been amazing! I love Sean so much more now then I ever thought possible.

I also have my little Valentine. Robbie was so into Valentine's this year. He was so excited about it. Robbie went with daddy to buy mommy a special present. Robbie gave it to me in the ER (while I was waiting to see Dr Chua regarding what we thought was a cyst - turns out to be a severe bladder infection), it was a Dora the Explorer pin that flashes lights. He was so proud to give it to me.

I love my "boys".

Saturday, February 13, 2010


I am a huge, huge fan of the Olympics. I am so proud to be part of the host nation. No, I do not live in Vancouver but I feel the pride of my country. When I see Canadians doing their best I get tears in my eyes. I cry when I see the flag rising and hear our national anthem.

I loved the Slam Poem, reprinted here:

We Are More

by Shane Koyczan

When defining Canada

you might list some statistics

you might mention our tallest building

or biggest lake

you might shake a tree in the fall

and call a red leaf Canada

you might rattle off some celebrities

might mention Buffy Sainte-Marie

might even mention the fact that we've got a few

Barenaked Ladies

or that we made these crazy things

like zippers

electric cars

and washing machines

when defining Canada

it seems the world's anthem has been

" been there done that"

and maybe that's where we used to be at

it's true

we've done and we've been

we've seen

all the great themes get swallowed up by the machine

and turned into theme parks

but when defining Canada

don't forget to mention that we have set sparks

we are not just fishing stories

about the one that got away

we do more than sit around and say "eh?"

and yes

we are the home of the Rocket and the Great One

who inspired little number nines

and little number ninety-nines

but we're more than just hockey and fishing lines

off of the rocky coast of the Maritimes

and some say what defines us

is something as simple as please and thank you

and as for you're welcome

well we say that too

but we are more

than genteel or civilized

we are an idea in the process

of being realized

we are young

we are cultures strung together

then woven into a tapestry

and the design

is what makes us more

than the sum total of our history

we are an experiment going right for a change

with influences that range from a to zed

and yes we say zed instead of zee

we are the colours of Chinatown and the coffee of Little Italy

we dream so big that there are those

who would call our ambition an industry

because we are more than sticky maple syrup and clean snow

we do more than grow wheat and brew beer

we are vineyards of good year after good year

we reforest what we clear

because we believe in generations beyond our own

knowing now that so many of us

have grown past what used to be

we can stand here today

filled with all the hope people have

when they say things like "someday"

someday we'll be great

someday we'll be this

or that

someday we'll be at a point

when someday was yesterday

and all of our aspirations will pay the way

for those who on that day

look towards tomorrow

and still they say someday

we will reach the goals we set

and we will get interest on our inspiration

because we are more than a nation of whale watchers and lumberjacks

more than backpacks and hiking trails

we are hammers and nails building bridges

towards those who are willing to walk across

we are the lost-and-found for all those who might find themselves at a loss

we are not the see-through gloss or glamour

of those who clamour for the failings of others

we are fathers brothers sisters and mothers

uncles and nephews aunts and nieces

we are cousins

we are found missing puzzle pieces

we are families with room at the table for newcomers

we are more than summers and winters

more than on and off seasons

we are the reasons people have for wanting to stay

because we are more than what we say or do

we live to get past what we go through

and learn who we are

we are students

students who study the studiousness of studying

so we know what as well as why

we don't have all the answers

but we try

and the effort is what makes us more

we don't all know what it is in life we're looking for

so keep exploring

go far and wide

or go inside but go deep

go deep

as if James Cameron was filming a sequel to The Abyss

and suddenly there was this location scout

trying to figure some way out

to get inside you

because you've been through hell and high water

and you went deep

keep exploring

because we are more

than a laundry list of things to do and places to see

we are more than hills to ski

or countryside ponds to skate

we are the abandoned hesitation of all those who can't wait

we are first-rate greasy-spoon diners and healthy-living cafes

a country that is all the ways you choose to live

a land that can give you variety

because we are choices

we are millions upon millions of voices shouting

" keep exploring... we are more"

we are the surprise the world has in store for you

it's true

Canada is the "what" in "what's new?"

so don't say "been there done that"

unless you've sat on the sidewalk

while chalk artists draw still lifes

on the concrete of a kid in the street

beatboxing to Neil Young for fun

don't say you've been there done that

unless you've been here doing it

let this country be your first-aid kit

for all the times you get sick of the same old same old

let us be the story told to your friends

and when that story ends

leave chapters for the next time you'll come back

next time pack for all the things

you didn't pack for the first time

but don't let your luggage define your travels

each life unravels differently

and experiences are what make up

the colours of our tapestry

we are the true north

strong and free

and what's more

is that we didn't just say it

we made it be.


Monday, January 18, 2010

Rough Going

I am having a really rough time. I know that one of my goals for the year is to sop obsessing about another baby. I am failing miserably! I am somewhere around day 38 with no period in sight. I have done so many preg tests (I really hate to think how much money I have spent), all are negative. This is just so hard. Once my period finally comes I am going back on the pill forever. I talked to Sean about clomid - he said "no way". I had always said that I wouldn't use fertility drugs the second time around, guess we are sticking with that plan.

I found out some news that is bothering me. I friended an ex on facebook. In so many ways I did't want to know about his life but the earthquake in Haiti really brought him to mind. J is Haitian. Anyways, he has a 16 year old daughter, that means he was a daddy when we were dating! He never told me. The relationship was long-distance so it was easy for him to hide things. I remember him buying presents for his baby "niece".... I am now thinking the presents were for his daughter. I am really bothered by this, I would have still dated him knowing he had a child but not to know... And a little TMI but I went against my values because of this man. It just brings me back to how I felt when we broke up and I had to see my Bishop. Ugh! I am going to de-friend him. I never should have looked him up in the first place.

I hate remembering the mistakes I have made in my life...

Friday, January 1, 2010

Happy New Year!!

I have been thinking about this post for a few days now. What to write and how to remember 2009?

2009 in Review

I started the year in such a deep depression that I was barely functional. It was a really rough time on our whole family. Sean had to take over doing everything, which he did with little complaint. In March I started the Day Treatment Program, 4.5 months of intense therapy. It was hard, there were many days that I thought I would quit. I made it through, barely. I could have gotten more out of it but the things I did get out of the program are with me still. I feel more confident in my abilities to cope. I learned that I did not have to be a prisoner to depression.

Early on in DPT my mom was placed in a nursing home. I felt so guilty at the time, I know it is the best place for her but I felt bad about it as well. Life can be so hard.

After DPT ended I went back to work. I started back part-time working my way back to full-time over 4 weeks. I really enjoy being back at work. Part of it is probably the fact that I have more responsibility and that my managers like the work I am doing. I would like to go to a PSR position but I think that will be a bit before that happens.

In August I turned 40. I was looking forward to my birthday. I had hated turning 30 but I was fine with 40. Sean teases me a little (he is 5.5 years younger then me) but that is okay. At work I have had a lot of people tell me that they thought I was 30. I never have looked my age.

In September, Sean went back to school. He is studying mechanical engineering at Nait. He will be a technician not an engineer (he needs a degree for that), but he is really happy. His grades are great. I am very proud of my man.

Robbie is growing and learning so much. He is generally a happy, healthy boy. I am so proud of all he does. He is learning to read a few words and he is doing a little addition and subtraction. He can write most of his letters and is starting to draw pictures instead of scribbling.

I love my two men!

The Last Decade (2000-2009) in Review

Sean and I talked about this at dinner tonight. So much happened in our lives in the past 10 years. In 2000 I started work at Convergys, this is important because that is were Sean and I met again. In 2001, Sean and I met, had our first date and got engaged. In 2002, we were married. In 2003, we bought our condo. In 2004, I finally got pregnant with Robbie. In 2005, Robbie was born. In 2006 we went and saw my family in Toronto. In 2007, my dad died, we sold our condo and moved to Peterborough, Ontario. I started school at Fleming College for accounting. In 2008, I had a breakdown, we moved back to Edmonton, I started at the bank and then I had a bigger break down. In 2009, I finally got the help I needed for my depression.

So, lots of good things happened in the last decade. I hope the new one brings lots more good stuff.

Goals for 2010

Not really resolutions, because lets face it, most resolutions are broken.

  1. More date nights with my hubby. I would like to have at least one a month. We started off good having a date night on January 1st.
  2. Using Listerine every time I brush my teeth. I hate the stuff but I know it really makes a difference.
  3. Turning off the computer at 7pm to start getting Robbie ready for bed. Apparently it bothers Sean when I am late getting Robbie to bed.
  4. Attend church more regularly. Going to church has been hard for me, it is so hard being a part-member family. Robbie loves Primary and I really need to see that he attends.
  5. Stop obsessing about another baby. I am slowly accepting that my body is not co-operating with me and I am not going to get pregnant. We really cant afford to adopt a newborn and right now are not in a place to adopt an older child. I will just have to wait and be patient for our family to grow.
  6. Showing Sean how much I love him. I tell him all the time but I feel that I dont always show my love by my actions. I never want him to doubt my love for him.
So, that is my list and I am going to try to update how things are going at the beginning of every month.

May 2010 bring love and blessings to all my friends and family!