I admit it! I am jealous!
My niece is pregnant with twins. She is a single mother of a 4.5 year old boy. I know she has been heavily drinking while being pregnant. She is not with the father. I suspect she got pregnant on purpose trying to get the father to stay with her. It has been an up/down relationship almost from the beginning.
Why does she get to be pregnant when I am married, have a good job and am able to support another child, and cant get pregnant. It is so not fair! Sean always tells me life is not fair but this really sucks! Infertility is the worst thing to deal with.
Yes, I know I can adopt. Yes, I know that I am lucky to have Robbie. None of that changes that fact that I want another baby. There is no way we can afford private adoption and so the only way to go is public. I am not scared of public adoption, heck I came through the system. What I dont like is not having the possibility of a newborn.
I really hate my life right now. Sean has held me while I have cried about wanting another baby. He has apologized for making me wait to have a baby. There is nothing that would support that if I had Robbie earlier that I could have had another baby. The problems I am having now may just have started earlier.
I HATE feeling like this. A friend just had twins, maybe I should ask her if she wants someone to hold one for a bit.
Sorry this post is so down. This has been on my mind for a few days.
A Slow Cooker Thanksgiving
4 weeks ago
5 comments:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11
I am praying for you, Margaret. I am so sorry you are facing this struggle.
Kate
Oh, Margaret. Ugh. Hugs. I'm so sorry. It is so very difficult to see a situation like this especially when suffering on a journey. I just wish I could give you a hug.
You are absolutely right... infertility stinks. I speak from personal experience. It is really hard to hear of others getting pregnant and watching others get pregnant when you want so bad to be pregnant yourself. Kate is also correct... our plans for ourselves don't always coincide with the Lord's plan for us and He knows what is best and WHEN it is best. My family didn't come to me in the timing that I wanted for myself but they came when the Lord planned for them to come.
As far as public adoption - if you are referring to adoption through fostercare I do know of people who do have infants placed with them. It is less common but it does happen. What is meant to be will be.
Know though that there are those who understand your frustration and your suffering. It took a lot of prayer to get me through the many years of infertility and trying to expand our family. I think each couple has to find what way they feel comfortable with in terms of expanding their family. Just know that you are not alone.
You don't know me, I was looking for adoptee blogs and found yours. I was glad to see that you also have life experience with spending some of your childhood in foster care. I only say that because I'd like to learn about what my own children may be feeling as they grow up.
I am an adoptive mom and a foster mom. I want to give you an example of how you can adopt a newborn through foster care.
My first child was 15 months old when we adopted her through a local adoption agency. My second child was 8 months old when he came to our home through foster care. Our third child was 4 weeks old when I started to visit her in the NICU through foster care. Now their birth mom is pregnant again.
Our son came to our home in September of 2008. In October of 2009 we adopted him. The day after our adoption his sister was born. Four weeks later I started visiting her, as her foster mom, in the NICU every day, 1 - 3 times a day. Even though I watched her suffer, I enjoyed being able to visit her and love her in the NICU. She stayed a total of 8 weeks in the NICU and I brought her home from the hospital in mid December 2009. Her parents relinquished their parental rights in early January 2010. We adopted her in early July 2010.
I know of several people who adopted their children and were able to pick them up from the hospital. Being a foster/adopt parent is no guarantee that you will be able to adopt, but if a set of parents are found to not be safe for their children, then being able to adopt these children and love them is an amazing thing.
I've been in your shoes. I know your heartache. I also know that it does little to hear someone remind you that it will happen in the Lord's time. I always knew that but it didn't ease the pain of waiting for our first child for 7 years and waiting in-between each child.
When you are waiting, even with the faith that you will one day adopt, you don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. You don't know how long that tunnel is and it feels like the tunnel is endless. I'll keep you in my prayers that you might be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel and that the tunnel will come to an end.
Thank you for your comments.
Sewfixated - I know about foster-to-adopt. I have friends that went that route. Sean doesn't want to go with a legal risk. I think he is scared for me as he knows that I will bond with a baby and would be broken-hearted if I had to send that baby back to it's birth parents. We have more then 8 months time to think about it.
Post a Comment