Thursday, July 31, 2008

Moving Day

Today the moving company came to pick up our stuff. They said they would be at our apartment between 10-12 and they arrived at maybe 10:05 am. It took 2 guys 4 hours to load 122 pieces of "stuff" (boxes, furniture etc). We went and got a snack and got our hotel room for the night. We are staying at the Super 8 in Peterborough which is brand new. We had to go back to the apartment to do a little cleaning and such.

We tried new water wings on Robbie. They did not give enough bouancy so off for a quick trip to Canadian Tire for a life jacket. After supper the family went for a swim and in the hot tub. Robbie is quite the little swimmer! He was running and jumping in the pool... almost on top of mommy (lol).

Sean is reading bedtime stories and mommy is wondering if she will get to watch "So You Think You Can Dance". If not life will go on.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Babies - part 2

Sean read my first post and thought that the second listing were the only reasons I was wanting a baby. There are more reasons, most I am unable to put into words. Sean thought that I might want a "do-over", well there are things with my pregnancy with Robbie that I would change I would not give up my sweet boy for anything. He is a blessing in my life. He can be a handful, but I know that it must be the "mother's curse" (having a child just like you were) in effect. At three I had been in a few foster homes and back with Doreen at least once. I cant even imagine that kind of instability in Robbie's life, how I made it through my first 5 years without severe psychological damage is amazing to me... then again, how much of my depression now is based on my early years, we will never really know.

I am not feeling so stressed about moving. I finished up all the "paperwork" (getting power, phone, gas, etc) and that makes me feel better. The packing will be finished, whether things are just thrown in boxes at the end or done neatly. Almost everything is packed. I have pictures and such to mail but nothing pressing to do. I might just survive this move.

Saturday, July 19, 2008


A few on-line friends have recently had their babies. While I am thrilled for them, especially since they are first babies, I am still jealous. I want another baby but there are so many reasons not to get pregnant. Also I wonder if I want a baby for the wrong reasons.

Reasons not to get pregnant:

  • my medications are could cause birth defects and/or miscarriage/stillbirth
  • I am almost 39 so getting pregnant could be even harder to get pregnant this time around
  • I had such severe PPD with Robbie and don't want to put Sean through that again
  • if I change meds to support a pregnancy I could spiral into a deeper depression
  • I am not such a good mom with Robbie, Sean does most of the care

Reasons I think I want another baby:

  • I want a "normal" pregnancy
  • I want to be able to breastfeed
  • I want to experience waiting for baby to arrive
  • I miss the cuddling of a newborn
  • I miss the kicks during pregnancy
  • I miss the infant stage, where everything is new

I know that I need to pray about having another baby, but I am afraid to. I dont want the answer to be "no" yet I am also afraid of the answer being "yes". After we move I will make an apointment with Dr. Chua and discuss things with him. I think if he says it is not a good idea, I will discuss getting my tubes tied.

Friday, July 11, 2008

I Love Reading!

I took this off of a friend's blog. The top 100 books. According to Big Read the average person has read 6 from the list. The ones I have read are in bold.

1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte

4. The Harry Potter Series - JK Rowling
5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6. The Bible
7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8. 1984- George Orwell
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11. Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12. Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16. The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19. The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot
21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh .
27. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33. Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34. Emma - Jane Austen
35. Persuasion - Jane Austen
36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis (um, isn't this included in #33?)
37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40. Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell
42. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown

43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44. A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48. The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan
51. Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52. Dune - Frank Herbert
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov Nabokov
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68. Bridget Jones’ Diary - Helen Fielding
69. Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70. Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72. Dracula - Bram Stoker
73. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75. Ulysses - James Joyce
76. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal - Emile Zola
79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Possession - AS Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry .
87. Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94. Watership Down - Richard Adams
95. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Now I have a goal to read the rest of the list. I will have to print the list off and see what ones my mother-in-law owns.


I had really wanted to go to the Hill Cumorah Pagent this year. I even got Sean to agree with us going. I found probably the last hotel room anywhere near Palmyra. Things just kept feeling not right. Finally I decided that it was not a good idea for us to go. Thursday was a rough day. I was so depressed by my decision that I could barely get out of bed.

Today has been a bit better. I am still sad but I am coping. It is hard to give up something I wanted so much. Sean has been sweet, dealing well with my grumpy moods. Didnt help that I got sick in Zellers - I really thought I was going to lose my breakfast. I took gravol and slept all afternoon. When I woke up I was able to eat supper.

I have been craving salt and gave in and walked to 7-11 for au gratin chips. I ate about half the bag. My sodium intake had been pretty good today, until the chips. I really am noticing a difference with tracking on then with tracking points. Next weigh in will see if there is a difference in weight loss.

Monday, July 7, 2008

So Freaking Hot

I can't stand it any more. It is so freaking hot in our apartment that I am totally losing my patience. Today Sean went to touch me and I freaked out at him. Our apartment is about 35C! The aircon had to be turned up to 32C because it was spitting water everywhere. What good is an airconditioner if it is turned up so that it is cooler outside???? I finally had it and we are uninstalling the aircon part and just using it as a fan. Sean really doesnt seem to get how much this heat is driving me crazy!

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Happy Canada Day

Canada day tends to be a bad day. Seventeen years ago I was told my sister had died on Canada day, she had actually died on June 30th. It is a reminder every year of how much I miss Edith. Three years ago we brought Robbie home from the NICU on Canada day. I thought that might have changed how I am affected by the date. It worked for two years but now I am back to dreading it. I have spent the day grumpy and wanting to be alone. Yuck!

Oh well... to make things better here is some pictures of Robbie coming home as a newborn.