Babies

A few on-line friends have recently had their babies. While I am thrilled for them, especially since they are first babies, I am still jealous. I want another baby but there are so many reasons not to get pregnant. Also I wonder if I want a baby for the wrong reasons.

Reasons not to get pregnant:

• my medications are could cause birth defects and/or miscarriage/stillbirth
• I am almost 39 so getting pregnant could be even harder to get pregnant this time around
• I had such severe PPD with Robbie and don't want to put Sean through that again
• if I change meds to support a pregnancy I could spiral into a deeper depression
• I am not such a good mom with Robbie, Sean does most of the care

Reasons I think I want another baby:

• I want a "normal" pregnancy
• I want to be able to breastfeed
• I want to experience waiting for baby to arrive
• I miss the cuddling of a newborn
• I miss the kicks during pregnancy
• I miss the infant stage, where everything is new

I know that I need to pray about having another baby, but I am afraid to. I dont want the answer to be "no" yet I am also afraid of the answer being "yes". After we move I will make an apointment with Dr. Chua and discuss things with him. I think if he says it is not a good idea, I will discuss getting my tubes tied.