Christmas part 2

I did really well over the holidays. My mood was good and things went well. Christmas dinner was really good (if I can comment on my own cooking). Joyce and Bruce (my mother-in-law and her boyfriend) were only here for 3 hours! Boxing day was good, we went and got groceries and just rested.

Then came Sunday... I am not sure why but I have been having so many dreams of me being pregnant. Not good. Infertility really sucks! Anyways, I could not even drag myself from bed, I spent the day there crying off and on. When I wasn't crying I was sleeping. Sean was great and took munchkin mcgoo (one of my names for the boy) and went out, giving me some time to myself. I was going to make supper but fell asleep.

Today was much better. I felt rested and not so down. We went to the Telus World of Science and had a great family day. Tomorrow it is back to work for me (3 days this week) and daycare for Robbie while Sean starts looking for a summer job.

Christmas Time

Christmas is a hard holiday for me. It generally makes me depressed. This year Robbie is so into things that I hope it will be better.

I am trying to remember the "reason for the season" this year and so I am going to share my favourite Christmas carol.

O Holy Night

O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of the dear Saviour's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining.
Till He appeared and the Spirit felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine, the night when Christ was born;
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!

Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
O'er the world a star is sweetly gleaming,
Now come the wisemen from out of the Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friends.
He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger,
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!

Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
With all our hearts we praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we,
His power and glory ever more proclaim!
His power and glory ever more proclaim!

Frustrated

Robbie's well-child check up was good. He is 35.8lbs and 41". Doc said he is healthy.

We did talk about me for a bit. My doc wants to wait until cyst #3 (in this round) or for me to see Dr Chua (my pcos doc) before putting me back on the pill. I want to cry! I still have no period in site - last one was October 15th. I hope I get back in to see Dr. Chua soon. I hate that I needed a new referral to see him.

I had my flu and h1n1 shots today, I am starting to get a headache but I think that is more due to being on the computer for too long. I think I will take some tylenol and rest for a bit before I pick up Robbie.

Oh yeah, I bought a "sexy" nightie not that we really need any help in that area but I figured we have been married for 7.5 years and it was time to get some lingerie.

Oh yeah, my doctor said that if I would just get pregnant then I would stop having the cysts for 9 months! I know he didnt mean anything by it but still....

No More Babies!

On wednesday as I was coming home from work I started to feel pain. Not a good thing! I waited at home for a bit and then decided to head to Emerg. I had to wait quite a bit and then I was taken in to see the doctor. I eventually got some drugs and blood tests. I am not pregnant (not that I thought I was). The other tests were good. The doc ordered an ultrasound and sent me home with pain meds. I had the ultrasound on friday and then had to go back to Emerg. The doctor confirmed that there was a cyst on the left side (the pain was on the right). Home with more pain meds. The doc and the resident both said that they thought I needed to go back on the pill. In other words, no more trying for a baby!

Sean and I had already talked about it. I knew what was coming but I still sat there and cried. Once I came home I cried some more. I am so sad. I know that having another baby would be difficult but I feel like my body has betrayed me. I hate having PCOS, it is so not fair (of course Sean reminds me that life is not fair). Someone (I dont remember who) said that things are better this way, another baby might have had health issues or whatever. I dont care! The baby would be mine! My heart feels broken. It is going to take so much time to get over this.

I take Robbie to the doctor tomorrow (4 year check up) and I am going to see if he can talk to me for a few minutes. I guess I will be going on the pill whenever my period decides to show up again.

Bleh!