Back in time

This week I have found myself reliving the past. A young father that I knew passed away. His death was fairly sudden and he left two young daughters, the oldest being three. Mike's death has hit me hard and I couldn't figure out why. I was not close to Mike or Nancy, I know them from church, enough to say "hi". Today I finally knew why I was having such a hard time. Mike was 26, my sister, Edith, died just before she turned 30; both left young families. Edith's death had a profound effect on my life, while her passing is far enough in the past that I don't think of it every day it still hurts to know that she is gone. I wonder how her children would have turned out if she had lived - not that they are bad kids, they are great kids. I just feel sad that they had to grow up without their mother's guidance. My brother-in-law did remarry but I grew up with a step-mother and it is just not the same. I wonder about the changes in my life if my sister had lived. Edith was my positive influence and my rock. I can't change the past but I do live with a lot of "what ifs".