Hospital and a Diagnosis

I am not proud to say that on September 14th I took an overdose of medications.  I had gone to the hospital on August 19-20 when I was feeling suicidal.  Even though I tried to get help it was not soon enough.  I had told a therapist that I was suicidal and their response was "so what".  That was very wrong and the therapist was mandated by law to report that I was suicidal and get me help.  She did not.  We tried calling the office, the best they could do was give me an appointment with someone else the next day, not soon enough.  Again they were mandated by law to report me.  They did not.  We called the crisis team, again no help.  With all that I sent Sean and Robbie on their way.  After some time I wrote a suicide note and then started swallowing pills.  My intention was to take 3 different types of pills but after I finished the new bottle of my anti-anxiety medication I could not open the other medications.  I fell asleep.  Sean had to call an ambulance when he got home.

I don't remember anything from the time I fell asleep until the next afternoon.  I was in the hallway at Grey Nuns hospital and our new Bishop and our Relief Society President were there.  I remember we talked about Robbie and what to do with him.  Our home teacher Mike Potter took Robbie in and helped with childcare while I was in the hospital.

The first weekend I had a day pass.  Before I left I saw the weekend psychiatrist.  She asked me if I though I had Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).  I told her that another psychiatrist had suggested it around the time of my dad's death.  She had me read some of "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" which I had a copy of at home.  The next day when she saw me again she asked what did I think.  I knew just reading the first few pages that I had BPD.  She formally diagnosed me with BPD.

I finally left the hospital on September 26th.  It was hard being in there.  I could not have my cell phone or ereader.  The hospital was hard on Robbie so I did not see a lot of him.  There were days that I did not see Sean.  The end result is that I am unable to work, and may never be able to work full-time again.  I have applied for CPP-Disability and hopefully that will kick in soon.

My body has been slowly adjusting to my meds and I am getting the help I need.  I am seeing a therapist, a psychiatrist and will be starting a group therapy program in January.  I hate that I had to have an overdose to get the help I needed but am grateful for the help I am finally receiving.