Happy Birthday Baby Boy

How can my baby be three? The time has flown by. We took Robbie to Chuck E. Cheese as we had to cancel his birthday party due to thunder storms. Not a good idea to have an outside party when they are calling for thunder storms. At first Robbie did not seem interested in playing. After we ate Robbie found a train that would go around the tracks, you could push buttons to make different train noises ~ Robbie loved that. After watching mommy play "Skee Bowling", daddy had to give it a try. Robbie was helping daddy. Then Robbie found the Barney Train and finally let us put a coin in to make it work (first time ever he stayed on a moving ride). One ride was all it took, the rest of the coins were history. An exhausted boy fell asleep as mommy drove the hour home.

Before CEC I went and got weighed. I was down another 1.2 pounds. I was happy to lose that much as I had a really bad week of eatting. It is hard not to emotionally eat, I have done it all my life. I am learning slowly to do other things then eat, mostly going to bed and reading.

Bad, Horrible Day

Today started off bad and kept getting worse. My day started at 4:30am, Robbie woke up with a nightmare. I didnt get back to sleep. Robbie got up at 7 and Sean about 7:30. I needed more sleep but before going back to bed I argued with Sean... Once I woke up again I was really groggy. I read Sean's email that upset me some (he was frustrated with me) and then I got an email from a friend who was supposed to be attending Robbie's birthday party tomorrow. She was cancelling and I was furious. How dare they cancel on my little boy!

We finally decided to scrap the party. The other kids invited had been there sunday for the family party. So the three of us are going to Chuck E. Cheese's tomorrow. I am not thrilled about driving to Whitby but I want to do something special for my little man on his birthday.

I decided I wasnt going to my weigh-in and meeting tonight. I figured I would weigh-in and then go get supper. The office was closed but the sign still said "open" and so I tried the door. Some lady came out and yelled at me..... Not good. I had decided we were going to Boston Pizza for supper, I ate what I wanted and came home to having ate 17pts. I am not that upset by it. I enjoyed what I ate. I am going to weigh-in before Changeways tomorrow.

Family Birthday Party

Robbie had his third birthday party with my family today. He was spoiled!

The Cake




Decorations




Birthday Boy




Presents

Feeling NORMAL

Yes, I am yelling. For the first time in 3.5 years I can say that I feel normal. It has taken time, and I have noticed improvement for some time but now my brain is not foggy, I am not down. It really does feel like a weight has been pulled off of me.

Depression is a horrible disease, no one should have to live with it. I am so happy to say that I am not living with it. I know that I can not go off my meds, probably for at least a year if not longer. I can live with the meds, I will always hate taking them but I can live with them.

My patience is still low, it was never good in the first place. Robbie can still get the best of me but I am trying to deal with that better. I am learning not to beat myself up because I am not a perfect parent.

I am trying to learn to be good to myself. I am trying to learn not to eat when I am upset/frustrated/happy/whatever the emotion. I am trying to come up with non-food rewards/treats for me.

Weight loss treat: At 10lbs lost I will go for a pedi - what motivation, I really want a pedi!

Life is good.

Feeling much better

I had my second weigh-in tonight and I lost 5lbs! I feel much better about myself. I went to my third meeting and I have to say that they help give me some motivation to do better.

I have my first 5lb star... .

We also got Robbie's 3rd birthday pictures done today! How come time goes so fast? Wasnt I just waiting for Robbie to be born?

Robbie-isms

While picking up his toys and putting them in his toybox Robbie would open the lid, put the toy in and then close the lid. At one point he decided that the lid was a mouth and came out with "toys are YUMMY!" as he moved the toy box's mouth.

At my sister's house, her grandkids were calling her Gran so Robbie did too. After being told that it was "Auntie Grace to you", he ran to Grace hugged her legs and called her "AuntieGraceToYou". Grace has a new name.

When getting into the hot car there is "big hot" and "little hot".

I don't even remember half of what he says but Robbie has us laughing at something several times a day.

Spiritual Thought

Borrowed from a friend's blog...

This version was found written on the wall in Mother Teresa's home for children in Calcutta...

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.
Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.
Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.
Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.
Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.

First Weigh-In

I had my first WW weigh-in last night. I lost 0.2lbs but they round down, so I lost nothing! It kinda of upset me but I am happy to say that I did not turn to food to comfort myself. I did almost cry though. I like the wednesday night leader so maybe that is the time I will continue to go. I bought the "deluxe" member bag. I figured it would be cheaper then buying all the books individually.

When I got home from gorup today Sean and Robbie were out (not sure where they went) so I was able to get two boxes of clothes packed. Sean will be happy about it, he wants to get our closet cleaned out so we can put the packed boxes in there. The movers come to pick up our stuff on July 31st!!! Yeah! We just have to set up the utilities at the townhouse to have the move-in stuff completed.

Last night on the way home from WW I went to Michaels. I got the letter stickers needed for Sean's Father's Day prezzie. I also found "Diego" cupcake liners and icing circles with Deigo's face. I am making the cupcakes myself, trying to decide between orange or blue icing... I dont want to do both.

Dad's Gravesite

We went to my dad's gravesite today. It was roasting outside and we were trying to find something to do. I stopped and bought some flowers to put on his grave. We tried to remember where exactly he was buried but finally had to stop and ask for directions. The tombstone Edith chose is nice. There is a tree, with all the branches and leaves at the top. On one side is dad's name and dates and the other Edith's. The bottom says "Together Forever". I didnt know how I would react to going but I wasnt sad, he isnt there. I am glad that I took the chance to go and visit while we were still here.

Edmonton Here We Come

Last night Sean and I decided that this was a good time to move back to Edmonton. We are not going to be able to afford for Sean to stay home and me be in school to finish my CGA. We were planning to move back sometime and felt that it was better to do so now while we still have a nest egg to fall back on.

We came out here so I could spend time with my mom. We didnt realize (or understand) how bad the alzheimers was, it is progressing so rapidly. My mom is a different person, she needs to be in a home and until she is at the top of the list there is not much anyone can do. Visiting with mom makes me stressed out for days afterwards, she has not been violent with me but has tried to hurt other family members. I love my mom but for the sake of my health (mentally and physically) and the sake of my little family we are going back. Actually it will be good for every aspect of my life... socially, spiritually, financially...

We may be renting the townhouse that attached to the one we owned. The owner would like to sell it to us as well... not yet, have to get jobs before we qualify for a mortgage.

June 7, 2008

Nana Sitting

Never heard of Nana Sitting? It is what Sean came up with when Grace asked us to take mom for the day on saturday. Here is what I posted on the LDS boards at Pregnancy.org:

Well, we are home. My mom really needs to be in a nursing home. It is too stressful for anyone to deal with her. She needs professionals to be caring for her. The day was ok for most things but as the day went on the worse she got.

My mom also hurt me really bad. I know that she is not aware of what she says but it still hurt. Sean and Robbie were across the road playing in the park, my mom came to me and asked when I was having my baby. When I said that I wasnt pregnant, she asked why I looked like THAT. I said that I was just fat, she agreed with me and then told me I SHOULD be pregnant. I tried to calmly remind her that I will probably never have another baby. I had to run across the road and get hugs from Sean. I hate being reminded that I cant have another baby. I have already had a m/c since having Robbie (4 before). I can't go through that again.

June 5, 2008

Weight Watchers!

I went and joined up I did! I think it will be good for me. I am already making much better food choices. My starting weight was 277 lbs. Looking at that number makes me sick. It is such a big number... I want it to go down. My first weigh-in will be friday. The friday class seems better timed for me right now.

Stressed Out

Sean's mother is supposed to come for a visit June 25th. She wanted to be here for both birthday parties and take us to Ottawa. There is no way we are going to Ottawa again so soon and NOT with her. We changed Robbie's family party to June 22nd as everyone is away for Canada Day weekend. I can hear her freaking out on us. I think she returns from Europe on June 15th, so she wont have much time to change plans. I would rather she not come here at all. I am trying to deal better with her but I am binge eating due to stress.

The stuff I am eating tends to be a bit healthier then chips and chocolate but still not good for you. I have been so craving Au gratin chips that I am really surprised that I haven't gone to the store and bought them. Probably better that Sean came to the grocery store with me, I would have bought them. I did buy "Half-salt" to replace our salt, I am eating way too much salt these days.

Too much of a good thing

I have been going crazy with an insane craving for salad. I had a couple with meals but that wasn't working. This afternoon I ate 6 bowls of salad! Unfortunately the bad part was the 3/4 bottle of salad dressing I ate with it. I could not stop eating the salad, even when I started to feel sick from eating so much I had to eat more. I HATE emotional eating.

We had to change the date for Robbie's Family Birthday party. It is now June 22, I forgot that the 29th was Canada Day weekend. Oh well, the 22nd is the day before they started my induction. We are having it at Valerie's house, probably barbeque something. We are going to pay for whatever meat we are having and the family will bring salads and stuff. I am happy that we are having it at my sisters, we dont have the room and she has a beautiful house. The theme is Diego, I have asked my neice if she is up to making a cake for it, if not we will just buy one. I have Shans making me loot bags - they are going to be sooo cute for the kids party on the 26th. My big boy is getting two parties!

Robbie was very good at church today as well. He even went with Michael (home teacher) while I went and bore my testimony. He loved nursery, and there are a bunch of kids in there now.