Today has been a bad day all around. I have had no energy and felt like doing anything. Even though I slept in I had a nap at noon. I didnt go to church as I felt like I could not do it today. I just could not stand being around other people and trying to act like everything is fine. Robbie was disappointed, he wanted to go to church. I feel bad that I didnt go, I know that I should not give into my moods but it is so hard sometimes.
The nap at least made me feel a bit better although I woke with sinus pain. I told Sean to go and lie down, so he went for a nap an hour ago. I put on supper (a ham), did a few dishes and now I am back on the computer. I will get Sean up at 5 if he is not already awake by then.
I wish there was a magic pill that I could take and the depression would be over. Yeah, I know they are called anti-depressants. My meds do make a difference but I still have my bad days, most of my days are just ok. I want to feel happy for a change. Robbie is always testing our moods "are you happy daddy?" "are you mad mommy?". Today I lied and told him I was happy, how do you explain to a 3 year old that you are depressed, you dont.
I need to go to the doctors and get another form filled out for daycare subsisdy. I am greatful for the money but the hoops you must jump through.... I also have to get a letter from work saying that I am on unpaid leave and I will have to write a letter stating that I am NOT receiving any money from outside sources. I dont qualify for any EI or anything.
I want to know when my start date is for the program. I never have been patient and waiting for a start date is not helping my mood.
A Slow Cooker Thanksgiving
4 weeks ago
1 comments:
sorry for the rough week! but great news on the weight front ... sometimes we succeed in spite of ourselves, hmmm?
i agree, anti-depressants help, but they only level the playing field, we also need to do our part - and sometimes it feels impossible to do, right?? what a viscious cycle.
one piece of (unsolicited) advice: kids know when we are down ... if he senses you are but you tell him you aren't he will become confused and not sure of his ability to "read" people and situations. he might come to believe that happy is a bad thing! so, be as honest as you can ...
"mommy, are you happy?"
"not right now, but i love you very much and having you be my son is the best thing in the world!"
just thoughts from this side of experience ...
hugs to you!!
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